Christmas Jeer

Well, it's here...the most dreaded time of the year.  Christmas is upon us, and the idiocy has taken center stage at a less-than-mediocre show.  It's the time of year where two different groups of people have two different mentalities.  You have the realists, who dread having to face large crowds in every store, being stretched thin financially, annoying people shaking a bell in your face everywhere, and and people being as fake as can be.  Then there's the other group: the dreamers.  These are the people with a manufactured smile plastered on their face, Christmas music playing, and a "True meaning of Christmas" speech loaded and ready to be fired upon those they call Scrooges.

So you're a big fan  of Christmas, are you?  What exactly do you like about it?  Well if you are one of these religious fanatics, you'll no doubt launch into one of those speeches that I mentioned above.  Yeah yeah...we all know the true meaning of Christmas, or at least what it's SUPPOSED to be. Yeah, it's a celebration of that one bearded guy you all have come to know and love (no, not me silly...my birthday is in January, but I'm so flattered that you were thinking about me!).  Now let's talk about what Christmas is ACTUALLY about...or at least what it has become.  Christmas is 100% completely materialistic.  Let's pretend for a minute that you did away with all the gifts, lights, and music...all you have is the celebration of a birth.  How much would you look forward to Christmas then?  The answer is that you wouldn't at all.  Take the materialistic aspect out, and Christmas will be about as exciting as Flag Day.  I know it and you know it...regardless of how much you tell me the contrary.  Keep that in mind next time you want to give me a lecture on the "True meaning of Christmas".

Now, let's examine this materialistic side a little closer.  Besides the dreamers, you know who loves Christmas the most?  Corporations.  The months of November and December are the biggest money makers for businesses, so they push Christmas as much as possible.  And you, the consumer, never let them down (regardless of the state of the economy).  One phenomenon that I can't seem to wrap my head around, though, is "Black Friday".  Yes, I know all about the good deals and sale prices, but I'm astonished at the lengths people will go to get them.  Morons all over the country will be camping out for days in advance outside an electronic store just to get a good deal on a tv.  Here's an idea: why don't you just work an extra day?  It takes much less time, you get to eat and sleep at your own house, and you won't have people like me making fun of you.  With that one extra day, you'll have made the money to buy the tv at a slightly higher price online, and have money left over for other gifts.  Wait...what am I thinking?  I just recommended that an American WORK for something...blasphemy!  But instead, you all jump directly to the most extreme, outlandish thing you can do.  And every single year, you see the same stories on the news about people being robbed, threatened, beaten, and even trampled to death...all to get those material possessions that define this asinine holiday.

Another thing that really annoys me about this time of year: people that go around talking about something called "Christmas Cheer".  Apparently, during the month of December, we're all supposed to smile more, and be nicer and charitable toward others.  You know what I call you people?  Fake.  It's that simple...you're being fake.  If you can manage to be like that during the month of December, than why are you such an asshole the other 11 months of the year?  To exhibit Christmas cheer, you are basically changing your personality for a brief time, because society (and the calendar) tells you to.  Yup...from January to early November, you are still going to cuss the person who just cut you off in traffic. You're still going to complain about how you don't have enough money.  But not in December!!  Nope...Christmas cheer takes over!  Suddenly, the guy that just cut you off isn't so bad...after all, he's just one of God's creatures just like you.  And not having enough money is okay, because let's not forget about the true meaning of Christmas, right?  Look folks, if you can explain to me how Christmas cheer is not being fake, I'd love to hear it.  I call it like I see it.

Lastly, why is it that Christmas begins earlier and earlier every year.  It was almost 2 weeks before Thanksgiving and I was already hearing Christmas music playing in all the stores.  Pretty soon, we will be watching the 4th of July fireworks burst into the sky while listening to "Let it Snow".  Christmas is force-fed to us so much in advance, we're all full before the actual day comes.

Look folks, Christmas could easily be a tolerable holiday if it were distributed in moderation.  But instead, it's forced upon us so much from every direction that it becomes unbearable.  You can't turn on the tv without see Christmas-themed shows, movies and commercials.  You can't turn on the radio without hearing Christmas music.  You can't interact with others without being bombarded by Christmas speeches and lectures, all the while being told how to act and how to feel for the entire month...or else feel the wrath of being labeled a "Scrooge".  Well trust me when I say that "Bah Humbug" doesn't even come close to describing how I feel about this time of year.  Just my opinion, though.  Merry Christmas!

Think Exactly As I Do...OR ELSE!!

Where did this unrelenting need to start fights with everyone who has a different opinion than you come from?  I have my suspicions, but it doesn't matter...the problem is there regardless.  If reality television has taught us anything, it's this: be as over-dramatic and start as many arguments as possible (it's what drives us as a culture)!

Facebook is, by far, the number one resource for social media.  It serves as an outlet for many things, such as staying in touch with friends and family, and using your wall to post random things that happen to be on your mind. I post random thoughts on my wall about once a week, give or take.  Usually my posts consist of things that bother me about modern society. They are little rants blended with a dash of sarcastic humor, and sprinkled with a dose of reality.  But more often than not, somebody on my "friends" list wants to start an argument with me, simply because my opinion differs from theirs. 

On Facebook, I read more of other people's posts than actually posting myself.  During my reading, I see oodles of things that I don't agree with. But you know what? That person has a right to their opinion.  But in today's world we live in, the general mentality is this: "If you don't see things exactly the same way as I do, I'm damn sure gonna let you know about it."  This is classic ignorance at it's finest. When I post on other people's status, it's only to add something nice and friendly.  If I have a negative opinion, I simply just keep it to myself. Call it maturity, being respectful, or just good old fashioned common sense.  Facebook is often times a way to blow off some steam or relieve a little stress...so if these people are really your "friends", then why add to their steam and stress with your need to rudely post your contrasting opinion?  Remember the old adage, "If you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all."?  Is that so hard?

So where are people picking up this hostility?  Well you don't need to look hard to find some answers.  Just simply turn on the television.  It doesn't matter what channel you put it on, because there is probably going to be a reality show on, regardless.  All reality shows either make it or fail miserably based on one simple thing: ratings.  And what brings in the ratings?  Conflict.  Yup...watch any reality show, and you are 100% guaranteed to see arguing, fighting, name calling, back-stabbing, trash talk, and so many "bleeps" from foul language that the show sounds like a hearing test.  Families gather around the television to get their fix of this every single night of the week.  This sort of behavior has become the norm in modern society.  Everyone from adults to children are force fed this kind of hatred and negativity each time they turn on the tv.  It becomes more apparent with each person you interact with. Reality television is an incurable disease that is plaguing society, while not many people are acknowledging that the problem exists to begin with. And I say "incurable" because these shows are here to stay, unfortunately.  And they will only get worse as each season tries to out-do all the drama from last season.

So now that I've identified what I feel is the main reason for people's demeanor these days, let's get back to Facebook.  I think I'm pretty much done posting on there for the most part.  I'm just tired of getting attacked from all angles when I say something on there.  I'll just stick to reading what everyone else posts.  After all, it's the best way to watch and learn how the ideaology of modern civilization is evolving ever so rapidly...and not for the better. I'll use what I learn to protect myself and my loved ones.  It will definitely be challenging trying to raise my little daughter to have good values, treat others with respect and kindness, and have common decency in this crazy world, while trying to shield her from the hatred, selfishness, and negativity that she will be surrounded by every single day.

In closing, just remember that everyone has opinions and views.  It's what makes us different.  So when you are on Facebook and you see people posting stuff that you don't like, just delete them from your friends list.  It's really that simple.  Because I guarantee you that absolutely nothing good will come from starting an argument, simply because you HAVE to give them your contrasting opinion...even though they didn't ask for it.    

Crime & Punishment

America is one of, if not THE most crime-ridden, murdering, drug addicted, raping, child abducting countries in the world.  The people that are charged with these crimes are given a much too lenient sentence.  Many of these people are back out in society in no time, free to make someone else a victim.

First, let’s look at our legal system.  To be blunt, it’s a fucking joke. To watch lawyers at work in a courtroom is like watching a Saturday Night Live skit.  I really don’t know how defense attorneys can live with themselves. Their main priority in life is to keep murderers, rapists, gang members, and drug dealers free to continue to plague society.  Then there’s the jury.  Now, in past blog posts, I’ve pointed out many many reasons as to why the average American person is fucking stupid.  Well these same people, a jury of a murderers “peers”, are responsible for deciding the fate of somebody who just took your loved one from you forever.  All it comes down to is how convincing each lawyer can be to this jury of mouth breathers…regardless of what the evidence shows.  Case and point, the O.J. Simpson and Casey Anthony trials.  There are many like them that go on in this country all the time, but just don’t get the same public attention as those two. 

Now, if the criminal is unlucky enough to get a jury with some common sense, that person is sent to prison.  Our prison system is even more laughable than our courtrooms.  In many cases, life in prison is often more accommodating for people than their life on the outside was.  Televisions, weight rooms, and conjugal visits surprisingly don’t strike a great deal of fear into the hearts of the habitual offenders. Now remember, our prison system is supposed to “rehabilitate” people so that they will be law abiding citizens when they are released back into society.  Are you fucking kidding me?  Rehabilitated?  People in prison learn to be even MORE criminal minded during their stay.  People in prison learn many different techniques from fellow inmates to hone their criminal craft, so that the odds of getting away with their crimes in the future are much better.  How’s that for rehabilitated?

So what’s the solution, you ask?  Well it’s very simple.  All of the sympathetic bleeding-heart types out there won’t like it…but those people can go fuck themselves. They’re nothing more than enablers for criminals anyway.  So my solution has two parts: dismemberment and death.  Now I absolutely hate middle eastern countries, but I have to admit that when it comes to punishment for crimes, they got it right.  We should adopt the same toughness.  For first time offenders for crimes besides murder, we start cutting shit off.  Maybe a hand or a foot…and obviously a dick in rape cases.  Now if that doesn’t get through to the offender and that person commits another crime, then it’s instant death.  Right on the spot. Done. Problem solved.  For murder cases, instant death…no second chances.  Now if America actually put this into practice, crime in this country would deplete to practically null. That is enough to drive real fear into people, and they wouldn’t even consider committing a crime.  Like I said, it’s not pretty, but it would be effective as hell.  And let’s remember that it’s for the safety and well being for all of us out there who walk the straight and narrow, and who are good, honest people. You know…the victims.  

It's Not What You Know...

Have you ever worked at a job (or in your current job) where there are a few people, if not more, that have absolutely no business being there at all?  I think we've all had to deal with this problem at one point or another, or you are currently dealing with it. 

I'm really tired of seeing people get really good jobs for all the wrong reasons.  In today's economic turmoil, even being able to find a shit job is tough, much less be lucky enough to land a great one.  That's why it angers me so much when I see shitbag people in positions that they shouldn't be in. They either don't have the qualifications to do the job, or they have the qualifications, but their work ethic is fucking horrible. For instance...where I work, there are a few people that are only employed there because they had "hookups" from someone already working there.  There is one douchebag in particular who has absolutely no background in our line of work whatsoever, but happens to be a friend of the family of the big boss. This guy is only good for two things, standing around drinking coffee and socializing.  He should consider doing those two things professionally, because he isn't worth a fuck to our company.  As far as performing the duties that the job requires, he fucks up on a daily basis. But he still maintains a nice secure paycheck, and why?  There are several other people out there who are very qualified to be working at my company, but are getting turned down left and right, and have to settle for a much lower paying job that they're overqualified for. 

Now, with the economy in the shitter, many companies are having to lay off employees just to be able to afford to keep their doors open.  And when it comes time to start letting people go, do you really think that the boss's buddy would get the axe?  Nope. It's going to be the guy who has earned his job there and has been an invaluable asset to the company's success that gets fucked over.  Meanwhile, the person who's main priority in the workday is checking their facebook, talking on the cell phone, and sharing the latest employee gossip over coffee and a smoke gets to keep on getting paid. 

Ever since I was old enough to have a job, I've always heard the phrase, "It's not what you know, it's WHO you know" being thrown around a lot.  Although it is a common cliche, it still rings painfully true.  It's sad when you put so much work, effort, education, and determination into learning a skill that will benefit you and your family financially, and then some dead-beat leisurely strolls right in front of you and takes it right out from under you, almost effortlessly.

So to all you recent college grads out there that are looking forward to grabbing the world by the horns, well I hope you majored in social networking...because that's most likely what's going to get you that dream job.  Good luck.

Bad Drivers

So far in this blog, I've discussed all kinds of different people who piss me off for many different reasons.  But nothing can make me more enraged, or borderline psychotic than the douchebags I have to deal with with I'm driving.  People have always made me mad when I'm driving, but these days it's much worse.  I have a child now, so I'm obviously extremely protective of my precious cargo.  So when somebody does something stupid on the road, they are endangering the safety of my child.  It's one thing to put my life at risk with your shitty driving, but to put my child's life at risk REALLY makes me want to bash your fucking skull in.

In an earlier post, I discussed the "It's All About Me" type of mentality that is now plaguing most Americans these days.  Nothing can be more blatantly apparent than when you are driving.  People see you coming, but they will just pull right out in front of you, without warning. Even more so if you are on a motorcycle.  They think that just because their vehicle is bigger than yours, that they automatically have the right of way.  Pure simplistic, moronic way of thinking.  A close friend of mine was killed on his motorcycle because some fuckstain pulled out in front of him using the "my car is bigger" rationality...and it's almost happened to me on a motorcycle on 3 different occasions.

Another popular trend is running red lights.  I see this more and more each day.  The town I live in has installed traffic cameras at most intersections that automatically ticket people that run red lights, but those cameras aren't doing a bit of good.  Americans are in such a big damn hurry to do everything, that they can't be burdened to sit at a red light for 45 seconds.  No, they would much rather risk t-boning you at 50mph because that trip to Wal-Mart to buy a carton of cigarettes and a pregnancy test is so much more important than the lives of you and your family.

The next thing I've always wondered about is why people find it so difficult to use a goddamn blinker.  Not only is it the law, but it's also just a common courtesy so that those around you know where the fuck you're going.  But, as I stated in an earlier post, common courtesy is dead and gone.  Besides the idiots that never use their blinker, then you have the idiots that drive for miles and miles with their blinker on.  Are you wondering what that clicking noise coming out of your dashboard is?  Well it's your blinker, fuckstick...turn it off! 

Now once all of these idiotic drivers are done terrorizing everyone on the road, they make their way home and do yet another thing that bothers me to no end...park in the street instead of their empty driveway.  This baffles me.  Why would would you park in the street when you have a perfectly empty, spacious driveway?  Now that part of the street is narrowed down to one lane....and people have to wait on oncoming traffic before they can proceed around your damn car.  My dream in life is to one day buy an old clunker car, and take it to all residential neighborhoods and just fucking smash it into any vehicle I see parked in the street. Yes, it's good to have goals.

The Hot Seat

I'm sure all guys can agree with me when I say that I'm getting sick and tired of hearing women bitch and complain about the us leaving the toilet seat up. 

Before I even get into the irrationality behind women's logic, let us first just look at the act itself. Exactly how hard is it to simply move a toilet seat from the up position to the down position? Does a toilet seat possess some kind of kryptonite-like properties that render a woman's arm strength to almost nothing? There is absolutely no manual labor involved here...none whatsoever. It literally takes less than one second to put the seat down.

Now, on to some of the half-assed excuses that that drive this feeble complaint of theirs. Some women will say that this is a courtesy issue. We know that you have to have the seat down to use the bathroom, so why not have it ready for you when it's time for you to go? Well the answer is because we would never get the same courtesy in return. There's not a woman out there that is going to put the lid back up after she's done. After all, look how hard it was to lower the goddamn thing to begin with.  Now besides courtesy, other women will argue that it is a sanitary/germ issue. Well here's a handy little tidbit of information for you. There are more germs and bacteria found on the keypad/screen of your cell phone than there is in a toilet.  And I'm not talking about your home toilet either...I mean a public toilet.  I'm not making this up...it has been scientifically proven.  So if you're one of these germaphobe people and think a toilet seat is "icky", then I suggest you put away your cell phone and never use it again. But we all know that will never happen. A woman would give up her first born child before she gives up her cell phone.  Also think about this: look how many dirty, icky things guys have to get into so that you don't have to. Yard work, vehicle upkeep, house maintenance, pest control, electronics installation/troubleshooting/repair...the list goes on and on. I'll tell you what...make this deal with your husband: You volunteer to take care of all of that stuff I just listed, and in return he'll put the toilet seat down. I guarantee he will take you up on that offer.

Now that I've poked holes in your "logic", if that's what you want to call it, let me give you my take. Personally, I don't think this is a courtesy or sanitary issue.  I simply think this is just another thing for women to nag us about.  You see, women HAVE to nag.  It's a necessity, just as important as breathing.  So when things are going too well and there's a shortage of topics to bitch about, women will always have that toilet seat issue in their back pocket...and will pull it out in a dire nagging drought emergency.  And if your husband is so reckless with his piss aim that he couldn't hit the bowl if he put a rifle scope on his dick, then you have a husband problem, not a toilet seat problem.  At any rate, this is a feeble, simplistic topic that needs to be put to rest by all women.  There are much worse issues in the world that you should be concerned about.  Stop wasting your energy on this one.

Rest Assured...You're Insured.

Insurance companies suck.  I guess that's about the best way for me to open this post.  Have you ever thought about how much money you have put into insurance (auto, home, life) in your entire life? Now think about how much money the insurance company has given back to you for a claim. Those are some pretty fucking lopsided numbers, aren't they?

There are many types of policies for many different things.  For automobile insurance, you have to choose amongst a million different options for coverage. Do you want the uninsured motorist option? What kind of deductible would you like? How about this....just cover everything for zero deductible. Do you realize how much of my money you are robbing me of every fucking month?  If I had a fender bender, you assholes could pay for all of the repairs with no deductible from me and still be robbing me!  And to make matters worse, that fender bender will now make your rates go up, especially if Senõr Magoo with no insurance is the one that was involved in the accident with you.

Home insurance can be even more ridiculous. So your house and all of your possessions are completely ruined by floods? Well sorry about your luck, because you didn't add flood coverage to your policy. Why do you have to pay extra for individual disasters that might happen?  Why can't one policy just fucking cover everything?  The insurance companies know that it's vital to be insured, so they take advantage of you in every way that they can.  So now your flooded house just rendered you homeless with nothing but the clothes you are wearing, while the insurance company that's supposed to be taking care of you just told you to go fuck yourself. How nice.

Here's a little quiz you can take to find out if you are getting fucked by an insurance company.  Do you have insurance?  If you answered yes, then you're getting fucked by an insurance company.  One of my favorite comedians, Dennis Miller, summed it up perfectly when he said that insurance companies are all about symbolism. Insurance companies use certain pictures to show you that you are safe and protected.  Allstate has the open hands, Traveler's has the umbrella, Nationwide has the blanket.  That is, of course, until you need to file a claim---then they all have the same symbol: a big, knobby eight inch dildo.  Actually, it's a ten inch dildo, but there's a two inch deductible.