Tuesday, December 20, 2011

And The Douchiest Facebook Post Goes To...(Part Deux) (Redux)

People never cease to amaze me with the kinds of things they post on Facebook.  I am constantly finding myself deleting people from my friends list because of their need to pollute my news feed with garbage.  A while back, I jotted down some things I see on facebook every single day that absolutely annoy me.  In case you missed it, (and I'm sure you have) here's a brief synopsis:

1. Nobody's watching those 1000's of lame music videos you're always posting
2. Nobody cares about your garden, mafia, or any other game you play on facebook.
3. Jesus and your dead relatives aren't receiving those shout outs you're giving them on your wall.

So since I don't post to facebook anymore, I've become more of a spectator. And with each visit to the site, I see posts from people that make me wonder why they thought it was a good idea to put these things on there.  So with this blog post, I figured I'd add a couple of things to my original list, as well as re-visit some of the things already listed.

Let's start out by pointing out the stupidity of posting music videos once again, since this seems to be the most posted thing by people.  Guess what?  We all like music.  I promise.  It's not just you.  We have all seen music videos before.  It's not just you.  This isn't a brand new concept that only you have discovered, and are just awesome enough to share this wonderful gift with the rest of us.  So you want to tell your girlfriend that you love her, so you decide to post All 4 One's "I Swear" on facebook.  Here's an idea: just look to your immediate left...she's sitting right there on the fucking couch. Just tell her.  Don't subject all of your friends the horrible music you listen to.  Sure, you might get one or two people to reply to your post with "Awwww" or "So Sweet!"....but trust me, everyone else on your friends list is thinking, "What a fucking homo".

Now on to the next group of mouth breathers. Why is it that people feel the need to take a picture of the food they're about to eat and post it on facebook?  Are we all supposed oooh and ahhh and marvel at the fact that you are finally adult enough to cook some chicken without nearly burning the fucking house down?  Is that burger you're about to eat really supposed to make us all jealous?  If you were posting that picture while you were in Ethiopia, and everyone else around you had their ribs showing and flies on their face, than I can see how it would be a great accomplishment.  But we're in America...the land of fat fucks.  Food is so abundant here, that people actually have allergies to a lot of it.  Once again, when you post that food picture, you might get one or two people that will reply with a "Yum!" or "Looks delicious!"...but everyone else on your friends list is thinking, "What a complete fucktard".

Lastly, something that is a sure-fire way to get yourself deleted from my friends list are these constant "copy & paste" status posts.  The last thing I want to see when I log on are these asinine public service announcements about animals, incurable illnesses, or relationship pointers....especially when I have to see the same one 27 different times on my news feed.  The person you got it from is a douchebag for posting it, and now you are too.  Copy and paste posts are like herpes....you're giving something to people that they don't want.

Of course, this is all just my opinion, which amounts to jack squat. Happy Posting!

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