Monday, November 28, 2011

Christmas Jeer

Well, it's here...the most dreaded time of the year.  Christmas is upon us, and the idiocy has taken center stage at a less-than-mediocre show.  It's the time of year where two different groups of people have two different mentalities.  You have the realists, who dread having to face large crowds in every store, being stretched thin financially, annoying people shaking a bell in your face everywhere, and and people being as fake as can be.  Then there's the other group: the dreamers.  These are the people with a manufactured smile plastered on their face, Christmas music playing, and a "True meaning of Christmas" speech loaded and ready to be fired upon those they call Scrooges.

So you're a big fan  of Christmas, are you?  What exactly do you like about it?  Well if you are one of these religious fanatics, you'll no doubt launch into one of those speeches that I mentioned above.  Yeah yeah...we all know the true meaning of Christmas, or at least what it's SUPPOSED to be. Yeah, it's a celebration of that one bearded guy you all have come to know and love (no, not me birthday is in January, but I'm so flattered that you were thinking about me!).  Now let's talk about what Christmas is ACTUALLY about...or at least what it has become.  Christmas is 100% completely materialistic.  Let's pretend for a minute that you did away with all the gifts, lights, and music...all you have is the celebration of a birth.  How much would you look forward to Christmas then?  The answer is that you wouldn't at all.  Take the materialistic aspect out, and Christmas will be about as exciting as Flag Day.  I know it and you know it...regardless of how much you tell me the contrary.  Keep that in mind next time you want to give me a lecture on the "True meaning of Christmas".

Now, let's examine this materialistic side a little closer.  Besides the dreamers, you know who loves Christmas the most?  Corporations.  The months of November and December are the biggest money makers for businesses, so they push Christmas as much as possible.  And you, the consumer, never let them down (regardless of the state of the economy).  One phenomenon that I can't seem to wrap my head around, though, is "Black Friday".  Yes, I know all about the good deals and sale prices, but I'm astonished at the lengths people will go to get them.  Morons all over the country will be camping out for days in advance outside an electronic store just to get a good deal on a tv.  Here's an idea: why don't you just work an extra day?  It takes much less time, you get to eat and sleep at your own house, and you won't have people like me making fun of you.  With that one extra day, you'll have made the money to buy the tv at a slightly higher price online, and have money left over for other gifts.  Wait...what am I thinking?  I just recommended that an American WORK for something...blasphemy!  But instead, you all jump directly to the most extreme, outlandish thing you can do.  And every single year, you see the same stories on the news about people being robbed, threatened, beaten, and even trampled to death...all to get those material possessions that define this asinine holiday.

Another thing that really annoys me about this time of year: people that go around talking about something called "Christmas Cheer".  Apparently, during the month of December, we're all supposed to smile more, and be nicer and charitable toward others.  You know what I call you people?  Fake.  It's that're being fake.  If you can manage to be like that during the month of December, than why are you such an asshole the other 11 months of the year?  To exhibit Christmas cheer, you are basically changing your personality for a brief time, because society (and the calendar) tells you to.  Yup...from January to early November, you are still going to cuss the person who just cut you off in traffic. You're still going to complain about how you don't have enough money.  But not in December!!  Nope...Christmas cheer takes over!  Suddenly, the guy that just cut you off isn't so bad...after all, he's just one of God's creatures just like you.  And not having enough money is okay, because let's not forget about the true meaning of Christmas, right?  Look folks, if you can explain to me how Christmas cheer is not being fake, I'd love to hear it.  I call it like I see it.

Lastly, why is it that Christmas begins earlier and earlier every year.  It was almost 2 weeks before Thanksgiving and I was already hearing Christmas music playing in all the stores.  Pretty soon, we will be watching the 4th of July fireworks burst into the sky while listening to "Let it Snow".  Christmas is force-fed to us so much in advance, we're all full before the actual day comes.

Look folks, Christmas could easily be a tolerable holiday if it were distributed in moderation.  But instead, it's forced upon us so much from every direction that it becomes unbearable.  You can't turn on the tv without see Christmas-themed shows, movies and commercials.  You can't turn on the radio without hearing Christmas music.  You can't interact with others without being bombarded by Christmas speeches and lectures, all the while being told how to act and how to feel for the entire month...or else feel the wrath of being labeled a "Scrooge".  Well trust me when I say that "Bah Humbug" doesn't even come close to describing how I feel about this time of year.  Just my opinion, though.  Merry Christmas!

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