Sunday, July 17, 2011

Rest Assured...You're Insured.

Insurance companies suck.  I guess that's about the best way for me to open this post.  Have you ever thought about how much money you have put into insurance (auto, home, life) in your entire life? Now think about how much money the insurance company has given back to you for a claim. Those are some pretty fucking lopsided numbers, aren't they?

There are many types of policies for many different things.  For automobile insurance, you have to choose amongst a million different options for coverage. Do you want the uninsured motorist option? What kind of deductible would you like? How about this....just cover everything for zero deductible. Do you realize how much of my money you are robbing me of every fucking month?  If I had a fender bender, you assholes could pay for all of the repairs with no deductible from me and still be robbing me!  And to make matters worse, that fender bender will now make your rates go up, especially if Senõr Magoo with no insurance is the one that was involved in the accident with you.

Home insurance can be even more ridiculous. So your house and all of your possessions are completely ruined by floods? Well sorry about your luck, because you didn't add flood coverage to your policy. Why do you have to pay extra for individual disasters that might happen?  Why can't one policy just fucking cover everything?  The insurance companies know that it's vital to be insured, so they take advantage of you in every way that they can.  So now your flooded house just rendered you homeless with nothing but the clothes you are wearing, while the insurance company that's supposed to be taking care of you just told you to go fuck yourself. How nice.

Here's a little quiz you can take to find out if you are getting fucked by an insurance company.  Do you have insurance?  If you answered yes, then you're getting fucked by an insurance company.  One of my favorite comedians, Dennis Miller, summed it up perfectly when he said that insurance companies are all about symbolism. Insurance companies use certain pictures to show you that you are safe and protected.  Allstate has the open hands, Traveler's has the umbrella, Nationwide has the blanket.  That is, of course, until you need to file a claim---then they all have the same symbol: a big, knobby eight inch dildo.  Actually, it's a ten inch dildo, but there's a two inch deductible.

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