Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Is That a Rash On Your Neck?

OK, people from the south, get ready to hate my guts...because this post is about rednecks. I should preface this post by saying that not all southern people are rednecks. To normal people, the term "redneck" is actually derogatory slang. But, for some reason, rednecks call themselves that with pride, as if it's a good thing.

For each race of human, there is a shitty version of it. We all know the terms, so I won't bother listing them. For white people, rednecks are at the abominable end of the spectrum. I personally don't use the term redneck. I prefer to call it what it is...white trash. You don't have to look very hard to spot one, either. Rednecks are everywhere...not just the south. They are usually loud and obnoxious, and don't know how to conduct themselves in public. They LOVE for the attention to be on them in a public place. I've also never understood the redneck dress code. Why is it necessary to wear Realtree camouflage in your everyday life...when you're NOT hunting? Why don't you do yourself a favor and hunt down some fucking self respect, okay Billy Bob? Of course, when they aren't camouflaging themselves, then they go the other end of the fashion spectrum: loud and gaudy. This wardrobe consists of some ripped jean shorts, flip flops, and a shirt that is covered with the American flag...preferrably with a giant eagle on it. Top that off with a Harley Davidson doo rag, and viola, you have yourself a Douchebag Delight.

The thing that baffles me most about white trash rednecks is how proud they are. They boast with all smiles about how much of a redneck they are. Why on earth would you be proud to be garbage? These people make absolutely no effort to better themselves in any way, shape, or form. Conversely, they actually strive to be trashier! What the fuck?

Another thing about rednecks that makes my skin crawl is their accent. They speak with very slow, drawn out words that, more times than not, are know, much the same way a person does that has had a brain injury. Hey, I have an idea. Why don't you take a break from catfishing and go get yourself an education? These are the type of people that think a thesaurus is a fucking dinosaur.

The bottom line is that being a redneck is nothing to be proud of. But, I guess in retrospect, it's kind of a good thing to have them around. For me personally, when I'm feeling down in the dumps with my life, I can always look at a white trash redneck and say, "Well it could be so much worse. At least I'm not like that dirty, barefooted fucktard right there."

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