Wednesday, June 29, 2011

The Mobile Obituary

I still haven't figured out why it has become so popular to put an obituary on the back windshield of your car. What a great way to honor the dead...put them in Times New Roman font on the back of your shitty 1992 Ford Escort. Why can't you people leave this person's obituary on their headstone where it belongs? I didn't know your relative, so why are you advertising it to me? Am I supposed to to flag you down and have you pull over, so that I can give you some flowers and hug?

These mobile obituaries vary from small, short, and to the point...all the way to extremely detailed, and are so long that you need to continue it on a fucking second vehicle. I have actually seen an obituary on the back of a car that contained the person's bowling score. Seriously. I don't even have a joke was his fucking bowling score. Look, if the best way to sum up my life after I die is to tell everyone that I was a great bowler...then do me a favor and put a bullet in my head right now please. And don't say anything about my bowling score. Make some shit up if you have to. Tell everyone that I coined the phrase "Pardon My French" if that makes me sound more interesting.

I have also seen people put their dog's obituary on the back of their vehicle. I really wish I was making this shit up, but I really have seen this. It's bad enough when you put a human's obituary on your car, so I'm really amazed when I see someone pay homage to "Skittles" the fucking schnauzer with a Rest In Peace sticker.

Look folks, losing a loved one is tough, and I really do sympathize when someone has to go through this. But putting this shit on the back of your car is a mockery to their name and memory in my personal opinion. Not to mention it's tacky as hell. Not too long ago, the American public reserved their rear windshield for Calvin pissing on something. How did we go from that to obituaries anyway?

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