Friday, June 10, 2011

Your Customized Ride is Gay.

Have you seen some of the ridiculous looking vehicles that are on the roads these days? What are people thinking when they put these unbelievably oversized rims on a jacked up 1985 Cutlass? Yeah, I'm talking to you, "Thug Life". What, exactly, is the point of jacking these thug cars way up in the air? The other day I saw a "G Unit" wannabe in a cutlass that was so high in the air, you would need supplemental oxygen to ride in the fucking thing. And of course you have to have your music loud enough that everyone in a 10 mile radius can hear it...and feel it. It's funny how most of these tools can't read or write, but can sure as shit hook up a system in their car.

The next group of complete douchebags are these Fast and Furious superfans. Guess what? It doesn't look cool to put a giant wing spoiler on the back of your half-bondo'd 1992 Ford Escort (even though it's such a high performance vehicle which can reach break-neck speeds). Those are the low budget fans though. Now let's get to the real Fast & Furious fanatics...those guys that sink unbelievable amounts of money into customizing whatever Japanese import car they might have. The fully eqipped trunk pops open to display an array of electronics, ranging from speakers and subs, right down to a Playstation 3 playing on an LCD TV. Of course there is always room set aside for the nitrous bottles, too. Then we get to the outside of the car. Have you seen some of these paint jobs? They have multiple neon colors with an array of shapes and designs, along with the liquid splash graphics down the sides. Well here's a newsflash: We're all laughing at you because your car looks like a fucking Trapper Keeper.

It really baffles me how much work and money goes into these vehicles, when all they are doing is making the vehicle, and themselves look completely idiodic. If you have a car like this, or think that they are cool in any way, please go ahead and take this moment to punch yourself in the face...hard.

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