Thursday, June 16, 2011

The Reality of It Is...

Am I the only one who thinks that reality television shows are killing everyone's brain cells at an alarming rate? It's almost all that's available left to watch these days, and the American sheeple are always left wanting more. So much in fact, that most of the time a new show comes out that ISN'T a reality show, the network doesn't pick it up and it's cancelled after only a few episodes. And let's clarify something real quick: These reality shows that you love so much...they are far from being reality.

Let's start with the first group of brain liquefying shows: pretty much everything that comes on VH1 and MTV. I've wanted these two channels off the air for a long time now. All these channels do is promote outlandish drunken behavior, utter stupidity, and a lot of has-been washed up celebrities choosing the best of about fifteen dirty, disease infested skanks. Don't worry though...the skanks that didn't make it on that show will eventually move on to another reality show where they try to top themselves from before. Let's look at MTV and VH1's target demographic. All the programming for these two networks are aimed at young teenagers through know, the people who are eventually supposed to lead this country. Scary, isn't it?

Now let's look at the next group of shows that will grow barnacles on your cerebrum: "finding love" reality shows. These shows like "The Bachelor" and "The Bachelorette" have such a moronic a group of complete strangers, date them all, fall in love and get married...all within ten episodes or so. How responsible. I bet divorce lawyers' eyes light up and this kind of behavior. Don't you people at home know that stuff isn't real? It's all for the cameras. If those cameras weren't there, the actions and all dialogue between these people would be COMPLETELY different...not to mention a lot less dramatic.

Let's see what's next...I can't leave out singing competitions! I've never quite understood what people's obsessions are with these shows. Yeah, there's nothing I like better than to watch some untalented hack get up on stage and butcher some really good songs. These shows are just televised kareoke...and kareoke sucks. Especially when these tone-deaf morons try to really belt out the classics. Listen, the only person I want to hear sing "When a Man Loves a Woman" is Percy Sledge. For those of you who thought I was gonna say Michael Bolton, take this moment to punch yourself in the face.

Here's the next group of shows that will turn your cerebral cortex into a toxic wasteland: judge shows. Before I get into how stupid these shows are, let's just take a look at how many of them have weaseled their way into our homes: Judge Judy, The People's Court, Judge Mathis, Judge Joe Brown, Divorce Court, Judge Alex, Judge Jeanine Pirro...should I go on?? Okay...Judge Mills Lane, Judge Hatchett, Judge Maria Lopez, Judge David Young, Judge Karen, Cristina's Court....well you get the picture. Look, these shows are nothing short of a complete mockery of the judicial system. It's no wonder that nobody takes the courts seriously anymore. These people are like Jerry Springer with a gavel. Most of the time, the judges on these shows act more ridiculous than the plaintiff and defendant. And why? For ratings, of course! Most of the people aren't even able to get a complete sentence out before the judge cuts them off to get ratings. How's that for your case being looked at fairly?

Now I'd like to mention that The Learning Channel should change it's name. There is nothing to be learned from midgets making chocolate, Toddlers and Tiaras, Sister Wives, Say Yes To the Dress, 19 Kids And Counting, Cake Boss, LA Ink...okay, everything on that horrible fucking excuse for a network.

Listen, I'm not saying that all reality shows are bad. I'm just saying that MOST reality shows are bad. Yes, believe it or not, there are some reality shows that have some educational value, and are very thought-provoking. But what am I saying? You have no interest in that stuff. You may now go back to watching Keeping Up With the Kardashians and Jersey Shore. Be sure and wear a bib so the drool doesn't get on your shirt.

No comments:

Post a Comment