Thursday, June 30, 2011

PC is BS

In this day and age, everyone has become so over-sensitive about everything. You can't say anything anymore without disturbing someone's delicate sensibilities. Then the term "Politically Correct" was born. Now everybody is passing it around like a joint at Lindsay Lohan's house.

So what are some of the things that everyone is so whiney about? Well, stewerds and stewardesses are now to be called Flight Attendants. You can't say midget it's "little people". Handicapped has become "challenged". There has actually been a lot of tension in the last couple of years about people saying "Merry Christmas". Instead you have to say "Happy Holidays". There are commercials letting you know that you aren't allowed to say "that's gay". If you are the type of person that is offended or upset by any of these simple, petty things, than you are a mentally and emotionally feeble, pathetic excuse for a human being.

In my opinion, I really don't think it is a matter of people being offended by these things. I believe most people just want to tell you what you can and can't do. It makes their existance seem more validated. For instance, when a parent sees a TV show that has crude humor that might not be appropriate for their child, they make phone calls and write letters to the network demanding that the show be taken off the air. I guess it's too easy to just change the fucking channel, huh? But because you don't like it, you try to take it away from the millions of others that do like it.

I knew most people in this country were sensitive, but it hit a little closer to home thanks to social networking. I used to post opinions randomly on facebook, until I was flooded with hate mail and argumentative replies (hence the start of my blog). As for me...I see people post things on facebook everyday that I STRONGLY disagree with. But do I fight with them because we have different views? No I don't. I just don't say anything at all. And I have the option to hide their posts if I don't like them. That's what mature, intelligent people do. Which reminds facebook friends list needs some cleaning up.

Look, the bottom line is that everybody needs to calm the fuck down and stop being so touchy feely about everything. If there are things that bother and upset you, do what I do and blog about it. If people like your views, they'll read it...if they don't like it, they won't read it. It's that simple. Freedom of choice. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to wrap this up so I can go back to making fun of midgets and saying "that's gay" to things I don't like.

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

The Mobile Obituary

I still haven't figured out why it has become so popular to put an obituary on the back windshield of your car. What a great way to honor the dead...put them in Times New Roman font on the back of your shitty 1992 Ford Escort. Why can't you people leave this person's obituary on their headstone where it belongs? I didn't know your relative, so why are you advertising it to me? Am I supposed to to flag you down and have you pull over, so that I can give you some flowers and hug?

These mobile obituaries vary from small, short, and to the point...all the way to extremely detailed, and are so long that you need to continue it on a fucking second vehicle. I have actually seen an obituary on the back of a car that contained the person's bowling score. Seriously. I don't even have a joke was his fucking bowling score. Look, if the best way to sum up my life after I die is to tell everyone that I was a great bowler...then do me a favor and put a bullet in my head right now please. And don't say anything about my bowling score. Make some shit up if you have to. Tell everyone that I coined the phrase "Pardon My French" if that makes me sound more interesting.

I have also seen people put their dog's obituary on the back of their vehicle. I really wish I was making this shit up, but I really have seen this. It's bad enough when you put a human's obituary on your car, so I'm really amazed when I see someone pay homage to "Skittles" the fucking schnauzer with a Rest In Peace sticker.

Look folks, losing a loved one is tough, and I really do sympathize when someone has to go through this. But putting this shit on the back of your car is a mockery to their name and memory in my personal opinion. Not to mention it's tacky as hell. Not too long ago, the American public reserved their rear windshield for Calvin pissing on something. How did we go from that to obituaries anyway?

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Wal-Mart Makes Me Homicidal

I think we can all agree that Wal-Mart is refuge for some of the lowest forms of human life on the planet. That goes for the customers AND employees. I try to avoid that place like the plague, because I know that when I go in there, I become instantly pissed off. The only time I will go into Wal-Mart is if no other place has what I'm looking for, and I need it that day so I can't wait for shipping from Amazon (which is where I buy most of my things).

So I walk into Wal-Mart. The first person I see is the Door Greeter/Receipt Nazi. The greeter doesn't, in fact, greet me...but rather gives me a disgusted look as if to say "Go fuck yourself". Hey, it's pretty obvious you've made some huge vocational errors that have lead you here. That's not my fault so don't take it out on me.

So I proceed into the store and begin to look for the items I need to buy. Here's where I come into contact with the customers of Wal-Mart. As I make my way into an aisle, I see in front of me two big fat black women. They are standing side by side with their carts, and they know each other so they stop and chat. Well since they are side by side, they are blocking the entire aisle. Well they both see me coming, and it's completely obvious that I need to get around them. Do they move? Of course not, because it's all about them...and I don't matter. Common courtesy isn't just's been cremated and Lindsay Lohan is smoking it's ashes in her lucky skull bong. As I make my way to the next aisle, I'm approached by a white trash crack whore looking women, followed by her four or five loud, dirty, barefoot children (all of whom look nothing alike). The disgusting spawn are all screaming and playing up and down the aisle, as if being at Wal-Mart is some sort of fucking vacation resort. Does the mother of the year tell her kids to quiet down and behave in public? Of course not. She's got other things on her the fact that she's running low on smokes and that she hopes she can make it back home in time to watch her stories.

So I'm finally done shopping and I'm ready to check out. I unload my stuff on the conveyor belt and approach the cashier. The cashier is missing most of her teeth and has several jailhouse tats on her forearms. Rather than greeting me with a simple "Hello", she is instead talking with the cashier in the next lane about how much she hates one of the other employees who happens to be off today. Very professional behavior when you're in the customer service business. So I check out, grab my bags and make my way to the exit. Now here comes the Receipt Nazi. As she's approaching you, she's giving you a look as if you are guilty of something. I hand her my receipt, and she quickly scribbles on it with her pen. She didn't actually check anything, she just wanted to assert her dominance over me. In her eyes, you're at her mercy. Only upon her approval may you leave the store.

So from start to finish, being at Wal-Mart is an absolutely horrible experience. I would say that 90% of the people I come in contact with there need to be euthanized.

Thursday, June 23, 2011

Fairweather Fans

Have you noticed that more and more people can't stick with one team anymore. It seems that most people just want to root for whoever is doing the best at the moment.

I became a huge hockey fan in 1998 when I went to my first Nashville Predators game. As an expansion team coming into the NHL, they had a lot of work to do. But since day 1, I have been a die hard loyal Preds fan through and through...even year after year when they were always one of the worst teams in the NHL. Most people outside of the Nashville area didn't even know that they were an NHL team...most locals thought they were a minor league team. Then magically, after a lot of time and hard work (and great drafting), the Predators made it to the playoffs for the first time. When that happened, a whole lot of "fans" started coming out of the woodwork. The local media finally started giving them some airtime on the news. There were Predators bumper stickers and banners on so many cars. But where was all of this attention before they made it to the playoffs? I'll tell you...the attention was on the popular teams that were doing well, like the Detroit Red Wings. Hell, even right now, if the Preds played the Red Wings in Nashville, you'd still see a sea of red jerseys all over the arena. I guarantee you that the most of the Red Wing fans all over the country have never even stepped foot in the state of Michigan. And it's ok to have a favorite team from a place you've never been, as long as it never changes based on standings from year to year.

I can still remember as a very young child when I started getting into sports, and had a passion for football. I always looked forward to sundays, getting to watch the ball game with my dad. He told me to pick a team, and stick with them through thick and thin. Well, back then in the 80's, Tennessee didn't have a football team (or any professional sports team). So I decided I would look at all the NFL logos and team colors, and make my decision based on the one I liked best. I came to the conclusion that the Buffalo Bills would be my team. I'm still cheering for them to this day. Yes, I was with them when they lost four straight Super Bowls (and suffered through much ridicule from my friends), and I'm still with them as they are currently one of the worst teams in the NFL.

Too many people these days are douchebags, though. They want to be wearing the jersey of the champions...and they'll sell out again next year when someone else is on top. Hey, I wonder how many new Boston Bruin fans there are now.

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

How Aware Are You?

I get so annoyed when I see all of these "awareness" ribbons on so many vehicles and clothes. So let me get this straight: If I wear a pink ribbon, a pink shirt, or a pink tie, then breast cancer will be one step closer to being cured? The answer is no...and you're stupid for thinking it does. Believe me, my heart goes out to anyone who has suffered through such a terrible illness, but me wearing a pink shirt isn't going to do shit as far as curing cancer goes. The only thing I will accomplish by wearing a pink shirt is looking like a homo. And let's go ahead a clear this up: Guys, it's not ok to wear pink. If you do, you will look like a guy that has an abundance of penis in or around his mouth.

Let's start by looking at the many different awareness ribbons (and most colors are supposed to raise awareness for multiple things).
White ribbon: Women's Violence, or Multiple Hereditary Extoses
Yellow ribbon: Support Our Troops, or Suicide Prevention
Puzzle ribbon: Autism Awareness
Blue Ribbon: Colon cancer, Stevens-Johnson Syndrome, Human Trafficking Awareness, Tuberous Sclerosis Awareness, Addiction Recovery Awareness
Light Blue ribbon: Child Abuse Awareness
Purple ribbon: Lupus, Domestic Violence, Alzheimer's, Cystic Fibrosis
Lavender ribbon: Epilepsy Awareness
Orange ribbon: Leukemia, Multiple Sclerosis
Red ribbon: AIDS

I could go on and on and on here, but I think you get the point. Go online and take a look at the full list of ribbons, and the things they represent. Now just imagine how many ribbons have been sold for people to wear and put on their vehicles. And as a result, guess how many of these things have been guessed it, not a goddamn one. I think I'm going to start the trend of wearing a brown ribbon, for Bullshit Awareness.

Let's go back and take a look at breast cancer again, since it seems to be one of the most popularly marketed afflictions. On breast cancer awareness day (or week), the media encourages you to wear a pink ribbon, a pink tie, or a pink shirt that proclaims "I Support Breast Cancer Awareness". Have you ever really thought about where your money is going when you buy these things? Sure, maybe a small portion of that is going to the American Cancer Society, but not as much as you think. Let's say I paid $15 for a breast cancer awareness shirt. Sure, maybe about $0.35 of that is going to the cause, but the company that made the shirt just got $14.65. There are many companies out there whose sole purpose is making awareness ribbons. How do you think those companies stay in business? The American media has taken terrible things like cancer, autism, and child abuse and marketed them in just the right way to turn a profit...and nobody seems to have caught on yet. I swear, Americans would buy a human turd if you put an awareness ribbon on it.

Look, I'm not telling everyone to turn your back on all of these terrible things that require due attention. All I'm saying is that you're wasting your money on stupid marketing campaigns that are making other people rich. If you want to help support cancer research, that is fantastic...I support that too. But please don't waste your money buying ribbons and shirts. Instead, take that money that you would have spent on that crap, and donate it directly to the American Cancer Society. Your dollar will go a lot further that way.

Sunday, June 19, 2011

Douchebags in The Morning

One of the most annoying group of people in the world are radio DJ's.  An even more annoying group are DJ's that do morning shows.  These people try so hard to be funny, but fall horribly short of the mark.  They tell these extremely lame, pathetic excuses for jokes, and then laugh hysterically at the shit they just said. Hey fella...what you just said wasn't in the slightest bit funny, much less funny enough to be laughing as hard as you are.  Here's a crazy idea...why don't you shut the fuck up and play some music?

Morning show DJ's also love to play song parodies.  They put on some Ray Stevens-esque song that is supposed to be such a riot (and it probably a 4th grader), all the while leaving the microphone on so that the audience can listen to these tools gut-laugh through the entire thing.  Let's face it, your "comedy" wouldn't cut it at a saturday open mic night in a retirement home.  DJ's should have one job, and one job only: play songs. We need you to talk as little as possible. Actually, just don't talk at all.  If I wanted talking, I would turn on my TV.

And for those of you who know me, please don't come up to me and ask if I heard that "incredibly funny" thing on John Boy & Billy in The Morning.  I'm probably just going to insult you for being the half-wit that you are, and for finding enjoyment in stupid things.  Then I'm going to recommend that you punch yourself in the face...hard.

Thursday, June 16, 2011

The Reality of It Is...

Am I the only one who thinks that reality television shows are killing everyone's brain cells at an alarming rate? It's almost all that's available left to watch these days, and the American sheeple are always left wanting more. So much in fact, that most of the time a new show comes out that ISN'T a reality show, the network doesn't pick it up and it's cancelled after only a few episodes. And let's clarify something real quick: These reality shows that you love so much...they are far from being reality.

Let's start with the first group of brain liquefying shows: pretty much everything that comes on VH1 and MTV. I've wanted these two channels off the air for a long time now. All these channels do is promote outlandish drunken behavior, utter stupidity, and a lot of has-been washed up celebrities choosing the best of about fifteen dirty, disease infested skanks. Don't worry though...the skanks that didn't make it on that show will eventually move on to another reality show where they try to top themselves from before. Let's look at MTV and VH1's target demographic. All the programming for these two networks are aimed at young teenagers through know, the people who are eventually supposed to lead this country. Scary, isn't it?

Now let's look at the next group of shows that will grow barnacles on your cerebrum: "finding love" reality shows. These shows like "The Bachelor" and "The Bachelorette" have such a moronic a group of complete strangers, date them all, fall in love and get married...all within ten episodes or so. How responsible. I bet divorce lawyers' eyes light up and this kind of behavior. Don't you people at home know that stuff isn't real? It's all for the cameras. If those cameras weren't there, the actions and all dialogue between these people would be COMPLETELY different...not to mention a lot less dramatic.

Let's see what's next...I can't leave out singing competitions! I've never quite understood what people's obsessions are with these shows. Yeah, there's nothing I like better than to watch some untalented hack get up on stage and butcher some really good songs. These shows are just televised kareoke...and kareoke sucks. Especially when these tone-deaf morons try to really belt out the classics. Listen, the only person I want to hear sing "When a Man Loves a Woman" is Percy Sledge. For those of you who thought I was gonna say Michael Bolton, take this moment to punch yourself in the face.

Here's the next group of shows that will turn your cerebral cortex into a toxic wasteland: judge shows. Before I get into how stupid these shows are, let's just take a look at how many of them have weaseled their way into our homes: Judge Judy, The People's Court, Judge Mathis, Judge Joe Brown, Divorce Court, Judge Alex, Judge Jeanine Pirro...should I go on?? Okay...Judge Mills Lane, Judge Hatchett, Judge Maria Lopez, Judge David Young, Judge Karen, Cristina's Court....well you get the picture. Look, these shows are nothing short of a complete mockery of the judicial system. It's no wonder that nobody takes the courts seriously anymore. These people are like Jerry Springer with a gavel. Most of the time, the judges on these shows act more ridiculous than the plaintiff and defendant. And why? For ratings, of course! Most of the people aren't even able to get a complete sentence out before the judge cuts them off to get ratings. How's that for your case being looked at fairly?

Now I'd like to mention that The Learning Channel should change it's name. There is nothing to be learned from midgets making chocolate, Toddlers and Tiaras, Sister Wives, Say Yes To the Dress, 19 Kids And Counting, Cake Boss, LA Ink...okay, everything on that horrible fucking excuse for a network.

Listen, I'm not saying that all reality shows are bad. I'm just saying that MOST reality shows are bad. Yes, believe it or not, there are some reality shows that have some educational value, and are very thought-provoking. But what am I saying? You have no interest in that stuff. You may now go back to watching Keeping Up With the Kardashians and Jersey Shore. Be sure and wear a bib so the drool doesn't get on your shirt.

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

What's Your Life Worth?

Does anybody else notice that, in America, the value of your life is dependent on your job title? If something really bad happened to you, your job title will depend on whether or not you make the news. Fucked up, isn't it?

Some time back, I remember a news report about a guy that was shot while trespassing on someone else's property at around 1am. Well it just so happened that the trespasser was an off duty police officer. So the headline was "Off Duty Police Officer Shot"...and made him sound like the victim. Now...what if that guy stocked shelves at Kroger? It would be a completely different story (if it even made the news at all). The headline wouldn't read "Off Duty Kroger Employee Shot", that's not news-worthy. The headline would be "Prowler Shot". But just because this idiot is a cop for a living, it was the leading story in the morning news. If he would have been shot while on the job, I would completely understand. But in this story, the guy's job title had absolutely no relevance.

Last month, a woman in Shelbyville, TN was reported missing, and her car was found burned. Do you know how many people are reported as missing every single day in America? Well guess what...the Shelbyville woman just happened to be a teacher. Again, it was the leading story on the news, and the headline was "Missing Teacher"...not "Missing Shelbyville Woman". What does her being a teacher have anything to do with this story? What if the guy who works the fries at McDonald's had went missing? I guarantee that you wouldn't see it in the news...because as far as the media is concerned, nobody cares.

In my opinion, it doesn't matter what you do for a living. Even high profile "heroic" jobs like police officers, teachers, firefighters, etc. have the ability to be complete shitbags and criminals in their off time. But in America, their life is worth much more than yours. Just take a minute and really think about that. And you thought you were insignificant before. So if you want to know what your life is worth, just ask the American media...they'll let you know. They all carry a job-to-worth conversion chart in the top drawer of their news desk.

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

American Attitude..."It's All About Me"

I guess being kind and respectful to your fellow human beings is a lost cause in America these days, huh?  I've known that this concept has been dying for a while, but now I'm pretty sure it's officially dead.

Complete and utter disrespect seems to be the order of the day no matter where you go in this country.  This is even more accentuated if you've spent any time away from the United States, and then came back to be greeted by it's oh so friendly citizens.  Case and point: My brother is in the Air Force, and for some time now, has been stationed in Okinawa Japan.  In Japan, being respectful to others is a very big part of their culture.  Just going to eat at a fast food joint, you see the employees dressed in fancy, nicely pressed uniforms, and they treat every customer as though you are royalty...and they are honored to do so.  When's the last time you had a positive customer service experience in America?  Yeah, I can't remember either.  My brother also told me about how easy it is to know when an American is nearby.  He will be waiting at a red light, when all of the sudden he hears the obnoxiously loud thumping of sub woofers coming from 5 cars back. American GI.  You won't won't see the locals there forcing everyone around them to listen to their shitty music...because that's disrespectful to others.  And 95% of the time you hear of any crime on the island of Okinawa, it's caused by an American. 

It's no wonder that every other country in the world hates our guts.  Most Americans are rude, obnoxious, selfish, careless, disrespectful, and generally have an "It's All About Me...Fuck Everyone Else" kind of mentality.  But yet you will here every American say that this is the greatest country on Earth.  Let me break it down simply about how the world sees us.  Let's pretend you work in an office building with many many cubicles in it. Well you stand up on your desk in your cubicle and yell as loud as you can, "Excuse me everyone! Stop what you are doing for a moment...I have something to say. I just wanted to let everyone here know that I'm better than you.  Thanks!" Now, if someone did that where you worked, can you imagine the reaction from everyone else there?

So why are Americans such dicks?  Well, it hasn't always been that way.  Granted, I'm not saying everything has to look like an Andy Griffith episode, but I can remember in the not-so-distant past that things weren't nearly this bad.  Today, you can't walk into a department store without seeing an employee sigh and roll his or her eyes because they actually have to do their job.  You can't turn on the TV without seeing a "reality" show where people are screaming, yelling and talking trash about the other people on the show....and then every other word has to be bleeped out, so much that by the end of the show, it feels like you just sat through a fucking hearing test.  You can't turn on the nightly news without hearing about murders, kidnaps, rapes, child abuse, theft, and assault....everywhere from the biggest cities to the smallest communities.  Having a bad attitude is being promoted so much, in fact being pounded into the heads of Americans from every, television, and the general public.  It's sad to see the country that I once loved be diminished to this type of culture.  I find it to be nearly impossible to find anything positive to say about the United States anymore, and it pains me to admit that.

So now I know what you're saying. "Marcus, if you think America sucks so bad, why don't you just get the hell out?"  Well the truth is...I'm trying.  I want nothing more than to move to Canada permenantly and become a citizen.  Do you know how expensive a move like that costs?  Anyone who is middle class in America knows how broke I am right now.  You don't work like a dog to get work like a dog just to be able to stay where you are.  I'll be glad to accept any donations that you might have to fund my great Canadian dream!  Just let me know and I'll set up the link where you can send your money.

Saturday, June 11, 2011

That's Not What You Are

Why are so many people out there so ashamed of their job that they create these ridiculous titles for themselves? It seems that people have lost the ability to call things what they really are...or as the kids say, keep it real.

So you're a bartender? Then why the fuck are you telling everyone that you are a "Mixologist"? There is no such thing as mixology, okay? To have the suffix -ology is to imply that there is some form of science involved. Trust me, there is nothing scientific about serving a guy a bunch of drinks, then watching him make an ass of himself by getting rejected about six times before finally zeroing in on the fat chick of the group. Furthermore, I've never seen a bartender wearing a lab coat and safety glasses there at their highly scientific laboratory called "The Hogs Head Bar & Grill". Look, if you really want a job with a fancy, important sounding name, you should probably enroll in an accredited college where you can learn a real skill...because knowing how how to make a mean Long Island Iced Tea isn't quite cutting it vocationally. But hey, it's an honest, hard working job that's paying your bills, right? So there's really nothing to be ashamed of. Now go out there and be the best damned bartender you can be! (Your tip depends on it)

So you're a garbage man? Then why the fuck are you telling everyone that you are a "Sanitation Engineer"? First, let's just define the word engineer:
1. a person trained and skilled in the design, construction, and use of engines or machines, or in any of various branches of engineering

Let's face it, you aren't designing or constructing're picking up trash. And you know what? There's nothing wrong with that. Again, it's an honest, hard working job that is generating an income which allows you to provide for you and your family. But when you dress up your job with these ridiculous, overexaggerated titles, it turns you into a pretentious douche.

So no matter how basic or insignificant you think your job is, just remember that there are much worse things that you could know, like a drug dealer, or a producer of any show on MTV.

Friday, June 10, 2011

Your Customized Ride is Gay.

Have you seen some of the ridiculous looking vehicles that are on the roads these days? What are people thinking when they put these unbelievably oversized rims on a jacked up 1985 Cutlass? Yeah, I'm talking to you, "Thug Life". What, exactly, is the point of jacking these thug cars way up in the air? The other day I saw a "G Unit" wannabe in a cutlass that was so high in the air, you would need supplemental oxygen to ride in the fucking thing. And of course you have to have your music loud enough that everyone in a 10 mile radius can hear it...and feel it. It's funny how most of these tools can't read or write, but can sure as shit hook up a system in their car.

The next group of complete douchebags are these Fast and Furious superfans. Guess what? It doesn't look cool to put a giant wing spoiler on the back of your half-bondo'd 1992 Ford Escort (even though it's such a high performance vehicle which can reach break-neck speeds). Those are the low budget fans though. Now let's get to the real Fast & Furious fanatics...those guys that sink unbelievable amounts of money into customizing whatever Japanese import car they might have. The fully eqipped trunk pops open to display an array of electronics, ranging from speakers and subs, right down to a Playstation 3 playing on an LCD TV. Of course there is always room set aside for the nitrous bottles, too. Then we get to the outside of the car. Have you seen some of these paint jobs? They have multiple neon colors with an array of shapes and designs, along with the liquid splash graphics down the sides. Well here's a newsflash: We're all laughing at you because your car looks like a fucking Trapper Keeper.

It really baffles me how much work and money goes into these vehicles, when all they are doing is making the vehicle, and themselves look completely idiodic. If you have a car like this, or think that they are cool in any way, please go ahead and take this moment to punch yourself in the face...hard.

Thursday, June 9, 2011


There was a movie that came out some time back called "Idiocracy".  While the film itself fell way short of being good, the point that it was trying to make was very valid. Basically it's saying that as time goes by, people are getting dumber. And here in America, that couldn't be more true.

So how is this "dumbing down" effect happening?  Well it's simple.  Stupid people are breeding at an alarming much more than smart people.  Actually I shouldn't even say smart people. I should say normal people.  Not only are stupid people multiplying rapidly, but so are shitbags that couldn't care less about their kids. Why are those the people that have the most children?

I, for one, think it should be mandatory to take an IQ test before you're given the green light to procreate.  Those who don't pass should be temporarily sterilized until you're able to meet the requirements, both mentally and financially.  You only get 3 chances in your whole life.  If you can't pass in 3 tries, you are sterilized permanently so you can't pollute the planet any further. Now I know what you're thinking. That sounds really harsh and Nazi-like, doesn't it?  Well, you gotta break a few eggs if you want to make an omelet.  Some of the most effective solutions aren't always pretty or lenient.

It kills me when I see good, honest people who really want to have a child, and have so many troubles along the way. And then I see a crack and meth addicted woman that has 8 kids...none of which she gives a shit about.  Then I see these tough guy bad ass types, who constantly proclaim to all of their friends and co-workers, "I can't wait until my kids are grown and out of the house".  Well I have a question: If that's the way you feel, then why the fuck did you have kids in the first place? How about if I repeatedly kick you in the balls for an hour so that you won't be burdened by that kid problem again in the future.  But these are the people who are outnumbering us, until eventually those type of people will be all that's left. I'm actually really surprised that more people aren't addressing this, because it's a very real problem.

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

And The Douchiest Facebook Post Goes To...

You come across all kinds on Facebook.  Some people post about things they like, some about the things that bother them (like I do), and some just like to keep in touch with friends and family that they aren't able to see in person very often.  These are all of the things that make Facebook such a great social network, and why it is so popular.  But with popularity comes stupidity.  Everyone has a handful (or more) of people on their friends list that they either have hidden or removed, simply because their posts are annoying the shit out of you.

So you might ask yourself: How do I know if I'm being an annoying douche on Facebook?  Well, that's why I'm enlighten you!  Here are some things that can get you hidden or removed from people's friends list:

1. Constantly posting music videos.  Yes, we've all seen music videos's not some new concept that you've just stumbled upon.  Furthermore, nobody is getting anything out of that lame song you just posted. Nobody will be uplifted, entertained, amused, or thought-provoked simply because you like fucking Nickelback.
2.  Sending out requests to help someone's garden, farm, mafia, or any other mindless games that are played on Facebook.  If you play any of these games, do me a favor and punch yourself in the face...hard.
3.  Posting song lyrics. So you know the words to a song? Congratu-fucking-lations. Please refer to #1.
4.  Posting prayers. Jesus isn't on Facebook.  And if he was, I've probably already unfriended him because he kept sending me requests to help him on Mafia Wars.  Fucker.
5.  Sending "Shout Outs" to dead people. It's always sad when somebody loses a loved one, and I do sympathize. But here's a newsflash: your deceased loved ones can't read your shout out to them on your facebook wall. You know why? Because they're dead.

Well, I could go on and on, but those would have to be my top five.  Don't get me wrong here, folks...I'm not saying everyone on my friends list has to have everything in common with me. People have different views, hobbies, opinions, and personalities.  Just try to be more original, and a little less douchy (nope...that's not a word but I'm using it anyway). Happy posting!

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Bascetti For Brains

Why can't people spell basic words anymore?  I guess I should preface this post by saying that I'm no scholar, and I make my fair share of grammatical errors from time to time. Maybe I was in a hurry and hit "enter" without proofreading, and there was a letter or two that was misplaced or left out. My problem is with these mouth breathers that INTENTIONALLY misspell words, or replace words with numbers.  Here's a newsflash for you: when you type things like "wut" or "dis and dat"...or replace the words "to" or "too" with the number 2, it doesn't make you sound cool.  In fact, it makes you look like the uneducated fucking idiot that you are. 

For the life of me, I can't figure out why today's society has set the precedent that sounding stupid is much better than sounding educated.  So where did all the grammatical idiocy stem from?  We are in the cell phone age where most people use text messaging as a primary form of communication. It's quick and easy, just the way we Americans like it.  But why can't we still text and post to facebook and twitter, all the while still spelling BASIC short words correctly?  And let's get that straight...these are the most basic of words.  You don't have to be college educated to be able to correctly spell "what" and "to".  You should be able to get those right with a third grade public education.  So is speed the argument?  Are you spelling words that way to save time?  How much time are you really saving by replacing the word "to" with "2"?  It's one less character for fuck's sake. 

I'm still of the opinion that Idiocracy is in full force.  Each generation seems to be getting dumber and dumber.  What's worse yet, American society is embracing the stupidity, and promoting it as being a great thing.  Hell, you see it in just about every reality show.  I am truly scared for the future of this country.

"I'm a Complete Idiot...Please Tell Me What To Do Next"

Why is it that everyone in America these days needs to be told common sense things in order to get through their day-to-day lives. Why do you need confirmation from someone else when you already know the solution to your problem? For instance, when I see these complete morons who think Dr. Phil is so great and knowledgeable, when all he does is tell people basic common sense things. "Um...Dr. Phil...I have a drinking problem. What do I do?" And then Dr. Phil is like, "Stop drinking." Then the audience starts clapping and saying, "Wow, he's good!". Fuck, I can do that. I think I'm going to change my name to Dr. Marcus and start charging the sheeple of America to hear my expert life-changing advice. I'll be rich in no time.

Another group of complete fucktards are the people who swear by these "financial experts" turned radio show hosts, like Suze Orman and Dave Ramsey. Once again, making people hang on every word by dishing out common sense. "Um...Dave Ramsey...I make $20,000 a year. Can I afford a $1.2 million house?" And then Dave is like, "No." Cue the audience breaking out into applause, "Wow, he's good!".

These people are making millions of dollars off of the fact that the majority of the American populus is completely fucking stupid...and trust me, business is booming. Look folks, you don't need these people directing your lives for you. You know the right thing to do it. You already know the answers to most of life's issues that are dealt your way, so just do what you need to do and get on with it. Of course, there are a lot of you out there that really do need someone to tell you common sense things. If you are one of those people, please do the world a favor and kill yourself before you procreate and breed more stupidity.